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your freeking opinion
Author
I am making a game that needs a universal story.
It has to end with two or one (1/2 player option in game) people (or whatever) blowing up a lot of stuff… mostly comets and other space junk.
Here’s what I have so far:
It is the year 2049, and the world is a very different place. Robots are the biggest demand on the market, and supercomputer controlled businesses are taking over.
Chimps have evolved from ‘huh?’ faced creatures to one of the most intelligent races on Earth; among those were many new races.
Humans are no longer in control of everything; they are now the working type, slaved if you will. Multi-government systems are rare, almost extinct; a single Ochlocracy government controls the earth by a human-robot hybrid race Khar, known for their victorious battles and takeover operations.
Among the many evil races, on of the most cruel ones are the Titans, a race so evil that they will terrorize with suicidal actions in mind. The Titans are currently in battle with the Orgs, the mass producers of robots on Earth, also the Khars most resourceful friends.
The Orgs, although known for their great robot artillery design, convicted to steal the most profitable designs from the Titans.
The Orgs did steal the Titans design documents, leaving them with nothing. The only things the Orgs left Titans was their extraordinary gift of designing the most destructive machines ever recorded in history.
The Titans decided to create the most powerful gravitational-wave generator ever, and use it against the Orgs and the Khars. Their extraordinary idea was to create a core-collapse supernova and destroy anything in the explosion’s radius.
Taking their gravitational-wave generator to the Andromeda galaxy [incomplete]
Its very incomplete right now, that why I need your help.
Please add to the story and make it better, I am a programmer not a writer.
I need to make the story about 2.5 times larger then what it is right now. Thank you.
NOTE: Extra brownie points if the outcome of the story is two monkeys.
[edited by - aftermath on November 17, 2002 3:15:23 AM]
[edited by - aftermath on November 18, 2002 4:35:08 AM]
Author
update, what you think?
It is the year 3569, and the world is a very different place. Robots are the biggest demand on the market, and supercomputer controlled businesses are taking over.
Chimps have evolved from ‘huh?’ faced creatures to one of the most intelligent and powerful races on Earth; among those were many new races.
Humans are no longer in control of everything; they are now the working type, slaved if you will. Multi-government systems are rare, almost extinct; a single Ochlocracy government controls the earth by a human-robot hybrid race Khar, known for their triumphant battles and conquest operations.
Among the many evil races, on of the most malicious ones are the Titans, a race so evil that they will terrorize with suicidal actions in mind. The Titans are currently in battle with the Orgs, the mass producers of robots on Earth, also the Khars most resourceful friends.
The Orgs, although known for their great robot artillery design, convicted to steal the most profitable designs from the Titans.
The Orgs did steal the Titans design documents, leaving them with nothing. The only things the Orgs left Titans was their extraordinary gift of designing their most destructive machinery ever recorded in history.
The Titans decided to create the most powerful gravitational-wave generator ever, and use it against the Orgs and the Khars. Their extraordinary idea was to create a core-collapse supernova and demolish anything in the explosion’s radius.
Taking their gravitational-wave generator to the Andromeda galaxy, they plant it on one of the stars.
All hell brakes lose once they tern it on. All the comets nearby are going toward the center of the galaxy, solar masses are colliding.
Their plan is to make everything in the galaxy collide! This will cause a core-collapse supernova and swallow the Earth whole.
The Chimps are the warriors of the Khar race; it is their duty to protect and to sever. For centuries, the Chimps have grouped up with the unconquerable Khar race to fight many battles, most of witch would not have bin successful without the Chimps.
Seeing as if the Khar race was in control, they had to do something about the mass gravitational filed created in the Andromeda galaxy.
With the great arsenal of the Orgs, and the Khars love for domination, the Chimps grouped up with them to fight the battle of the Titans.
You, Smokey McPots, and your partner, ChimpChimp69, are the most dominant troopers known to the Chimp force.
With the armory of the Orgs, you got back from the Khar; it is you mission to protect the Earth and the Andromeda galaxy from total obliteration.
Choked and loaded, you head out to the arctic space pending victory.
[edited by - aftermath on November 17, 2002 4:48:38 PM]
It is the year 3569, and the world is a very different place. Robots are the biggest demand on the market, and supercomputer controlled businesses are taking over.
Chimps have evolved from ‘huh?’ faced creatures to one of the most intelligent and powerful races on Earth; among those were many new races.
Humans are no longer in control of everything; they are now the working type, slaved if you will. Multi-government systems are rare, almost extinct; a single Ochlocracy government controls the earth by a human-robot hybrid race Khar, known for their triumphant battles and conquest operations.
Among the many evil races, on of the most malicious ones are the Titans, a race so evil that they will terrorize with suicidal actions in mind. The Titans are currently in battle with the Orgs, the mass producers of robots on Earth, also the Khars most resourceful friends.
The Orgs, although known for their great robot artillery design, convicted to steal the most profitable designs from the Titans.
The Orgs did steal the Titans design documents, leaving them with nothing. The only things the Orgs left Titans was their extraordinary gift of designing their most destructive machinery ever recorded in history.
The Titans decided to create the most powerful gravitational-wave generator ever, and use it against the Orgs and the Khars. Their extraordinary idea was to create a core-collapse supernova and demolish anything in the explosion’s radius.
Taking their gravitational-wave generator to the Andromeda galaxy, they plant it on one of the stars.
All hell brakes lose once they tern it on. All the comets nearby are going toward the center of the galaxy, solar masses are colliding.
Their plan is to make everything in the galaxy collide! This will cause a core-collapse supernova and swallow the Earth whole.
The Chimps are the warriors of the Khar race; it is their duty to protect and to sever. For centuries, the Chimps have grouped up with the unconquerable Khar race to fight many battles, most of witch would not have bin successful without the Chimps.
Seeing as if the Khar race was in control, they had to do something about the mass gravitational filed created in the Andromeda galaxy.
With the great arsenal of the Orgs, and the Khars love for domination, the Chimps grouped up with them to fight the battle of the Titans.
You, Smokey McPots, and your partner, ChimpChimp69, are the most dominant troopers known to the Chimp force.
With the armory of the Orgs, you got back from the Khar; it is you mission to protect the Earth and the Andromeda galaxy from total obliteration.
Choked and loaded, you head out to the arctic space pending victory.
[edited by - aftermath on November 17, 2002 4:48:38 PM]
This seems like an awful lot to happen in less than 50 years. Look at the difference between technology in the 1950s and now, it''s large, but not that large. Even if all of the technology for your advances is available by 2049 it wouldn''t have changed society in that drastic of a way. For "new races" to develop and put humans in the minority it would take at least 100s if not 1000s of years, even if they had a very fast reproduction rate. If prototypes for these species where created now, by 2049 there would be a couple million of them at most, compared to billions of humans. Maybe you should change your timeline to take place in 2500-3000. The whole robot thing does work in 2049, but nothing else does.
Author
yeh, the whole year that this takes place is arbitory:
it can be changed any time without any overhead.
I bakive you are correct, i will make it like 3569, that sounds good.
any other sugestions?
it can be changed any time without any overhead.
I bakive you are correct, i will make it like 3569, that sounds good.
any other sugestions?
quote: Original post by AfTeRmAtH
The Titans decided to create the most powerful gravitational-wave generator ever, and use it against the Orgs and the Khars. Their extraordinary idea was to create a core-collapse supernova and demolish anything in the explosion’s radius.
Taking their gravitational-wave generator to the Andromeda galaxy, they plant it on one of the stars.
All hell brakes lose once they tern it on. All the comets nearby are going toward the center of the galaxy, solar masses are colliding.
Their plan is to make everything in the galaxy collide! This will cause a core-collapse supernova and swallow the Earth whole.
No offense, but you seem to be throwing astronomical/scientific words about without any real appreciation for what they actually mean. As a result, this part of your story makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I''d recommend you do a bit more research on astronomy and astrophysics before attempting to write about it.
quote:
You, Smokey McPots, and your partner, ChimpChimp69, are the most dominant troopers known to the Chimp force.
With the armory of the Orgs, you got back from the Khar; it is you mission to protect the Earth and the Andromeda galaxy from total obliteration.
Isn''t this a bit of a cliché? The old "You''re the only one who can save the world" thing was done to death years ago. Also - Smokey McPots and ChimpChimp69? Not exactly subtle....
Haha, am I the only person around here that reads "I need help with my idea" or "What''s your opinion on my story" threads for comic relief? I won''t even bother evaluating the story. I think Sandman did a good enough job on that.
--Vic--
PS. haha, monkeys. hahaha.
--Vic--
PS. haha, monkeys. hahaha.
Your story had so many spelling errors it mad my eyes bleed!
...and that''s how I successfully lead operation Desert Storm.
...and that''s how I successfully lead operation Desert Storm.
i see this is a very old post, but maybe i can help still.
you story doesnt make much sense to me.
granted, i didnt read the update because your story lost my interest, but reading your feedback it didnt seem much different from the original post.
it got too rediculous for my taste, and seemed that you were trying to be serious - all this robot, smart monkey, space stuff.
it reminded me of dragon ball z''s stories. monkeys are smarter than humans .. how can you expect it to be taken seriously when you dont build up to anything or explain how?
my advice is if you are trying to make it longer, dont add more loose details! try explaining some. or just try making it stupider with extraterrestials, dimension travelers .. and add time travel.
spelling errors should be the least of your concerns.
i really dont want to be mean, you can do better than this!
-killing.people
student, art institute of phoenix
game art and design
you story doesnt make much sense to me.
granted, i didnt read the update because your story lost my interest, but reading your feedback it didnt seem much different from the original post.
it got too rediculous for my taste, and seemed that you were trying to be serious - all this robot, smart monkey, space stuff.
it reminded me of dragon ball z''s stories. monkeys are smarter than humans .. how can you expect it to be taken seriously when you dont build up to anything or explain how?
my advice is if you are trying to make it longer, dont add more loose details! try explaining some. or just try making it stupider with extraterrestials, dimension travelers .. and add time travel.
spelling errors should be the least of your concerns.
i really dont want to be mean, you can do better than this!
-killing.people
student, art institute of phoenix
game art and design
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