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The start of a game

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23 comments, last by entivore 21 years, 5 months ago
I just want to comment on the characters. I think the story is pretty good already, although I also have something to point out.

Right at the time I read this:
quote:
In the town of Munvilla, Flanella, a young man''s father returns from battling Belial
I suddenly know that the young man will be one of the main characters. He will be a hero. Please..please..please...Another young man and pretty lady save the world? Another handsome, young, and brave man? Another pretty, young, and sexy woman? And they are couples (again)?? For me, I am sick of this kind of story. It has been done more than often. And "they both live happily ever after." (FF stories come to mind). But it''s up to you, I am just giving you comments. I just don''t like stories about couples fighting the worst enemy in the universe while million others are sitting like ducks. It just doesn''t make sense.

I like the two brother and sister though. Anyway, why would this Belial guy mark these two guys rune of tracking (btw, what is this)? Why didn''t he just kill them? You said he was a mean son of a bitch. I am expecting that the magic thing from their father are the one that protecting Belial from killing them. I mean, the magic is really strong that Belial can''t kill them.

One thing about this agreement between Flanella and Belial. If you try to put yourself among the people that live outside the Flanella, what are you going to do when you hear about the agreement? Somehow, that agreement must be known to people. "Hey, I heard you are safe from Belial if you live in Flanella!" What is the first thing in your mind when you hear that? Moving out! Move to Flanella of course. Don''t you think there are supposed to be some kind of massive migration to Flanella? Well, perhaps Flanella won''t accept all of them, but think about the pressure! It''s like the Jews during the holocaust. Everybody wants to get into the Flanella. It''s a matter of life and death. What is the reaction of Flanella goverment here? What is the reaction of that Prince? Think also the social conflict, political conflict, since you are involving kingdoms, cities, and people here.

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I really hate it when people miss details. Though the plot answers your question Alnite, rather than rudely force you to reread it searching, I''ll simply tell you. King Twell cut off all contact with the outside world (Which is why it''s difficult for Rye to get out of Flanella). So you see, people CAN''T get into Flanella. If they tried it, their ship or boat would probably be sunk before they got close.

Thanks for the comments though.


"I like the two brother and sister though. Anyway, why would this Belial guy mark these two guys rune of tracking"

Because their father was fighting him at the time, he couldn''t get past him to physically kill the fleeing kids. It only takes an eyebrow raise to mark a person you see with a rune though. Runes are the basic source of everything in this universe. It''s kinda like magical writing that can be infused into things by runesmiths and runemasters. A rune of tracking gives off a coded trail making it impossible to hide from the person who put the rune on you.

"You said he was a mean son of a bitch"

No I didn''t. I said he drank people''s life force to avoid pain and for fun. How mean he is is open to interpretation. Afterall, a human hunter who eats deer and hunts deer for sport doesn''t nessisarily kill every deer he sees.


Now as for aram

Yes, sealing away the great evil you can''t kill has been done a lot. Mainly because it''s an easy way to get a powerful villian out in a place where nobody is ready to deal with him. To be fair, it was only a little over 200 years, and he''s not the main boss villian type guy.


Now, as for this Ukataite business, it reminds me of something that happened a while back. A guy searching for info on the Kajeka family emailed me cause my site came up in a search engine. Of course I knew nothing, cause Kajeka is just some name I came up with off the top of my head. Ukataite is the same away. Any similarities to other words or names is purely coincidental.

*Only in darkness can one truely shine*
*Only in darkness can one truely shine*
Oh yeah, here''s more of the story. I''ve branched off into 3 stories, one for each character. They start off the same but from a different perspective, but as you start to get further into the story they become more and more different. You''ll see what I mean.

Rye Chapter 1: Love and Death

Rye''s brother Wheat returns from battling Belial. Rye asks what happens but Wheat keeps dodging the question. Then Wheat discusses their plans to go into the bakery business together once his term as a soldier is over. Rye gets to thinking that there would have been a celebration if Belial were defeated, or a panic if the army had lost. Rye asks many people around about what happened and can''t get any concentrete info, so he decides to sneak into Green Woods Outpost, near the capital Egon. He successfully manages to talk his way past some guards by claiming his brother forgot his shield. Inside he reads documents describing the incident.

"Day 17. Lord Twell has given the ok to use the Crimrose Arrows. We''ve pushed Belial back into the uninhabited mountains. Terrain Damage from the arrows should be minimized. I hope I make it through this.

Day 18. It looked like Belial had succumbed to the overwhelming firepower we rained down on him. When the dust finally settled we were all disappointed to see his figure still intact. I can''t say we were surprised. This sort of thing had been happening since the beginning. No matter what we throw at him, he doesn''t die. Boy, this pen makes my hand itchy.

Day 19. Lord Twell surprised us when he gave the order to cease fire and hold position. He went face to face with that demon and started negotiations. I suppose I shouldn''t be surprised, he''s always trying new and absurd ideas out, and look where it got us? I shouldn''t speak ill of him like this though, he''s surely a lot kinder than that Kajeka romping Omengity of a father of his was.

Day 20. I''ve just been given orders to keep the result of the negotiations secret from all civilians. That means my poor journal is going to be confiscated. Please stay intact poor Journy Journ! It looks like Belial is going to be given a ship and exiled from Flanella. What''s going to happen to the other nations though?"

Rye remembers that his sweetheart lives in Takion and decides that he has to save her. Trying to rent a boat, he learns that all contact to the rest of the world has been cut off. Ships are being confiscated and taken to the northern port town where they are guarded day and night. Rye decides to spend the afternoon at the pub thinking. Render Raxamarten walks in and asks what nonalcoholic beverages they serve. After being swore at, he is given lime juice and sits at the table your sitting at. Render comments that it''s rare for the people here to actually think and asks what you are thinking about. If you tell him Render comments that all you have to do is steal a boat. The military is in such a rush to secure every vessel that they haven''t got them all registered and documented. You then tell him they are guarded and he says all you have to do is put them to sleep. If you don''t tell him, he leaves and you think up all this stuff yourself.

Anyway, Rye wanders around trying to figure out a way to put the guards to sleep. Wheat will mention that herbs with sleep properties grow in the copper mining town if you claim to have insomnia. At that town though, unfortunantly they are all out of the herbs. Most of them were destroyed during the battles with Belial. On his way out a merchant stops Rye and asks if he needs to put someone to sleep. He says he doesn''t have any herbs, but he does have a great rarity. It''s a rune of sickle of sleep. Unfortunantly he''s had a hard time selling it because sickle runes are difficult to use. He''ll sell it to Rye for 100,000 dracos, a great discount for such a rare item.

Rye can either kill random monsters until he can afford it (yeah right), or take the money from Wheat that they were saving to open up a bakery. In any case you pay up, and buy the rune. The merchant takes you to the runesmith and the runesmith and Rye come up with a whack new weapon called a sickle sword. The rune of sickle of sleep is infused into it, allowing Rye to use the Slash of Sleep technique.

Back up north Rye sneak attacks the guards and uses slash of sleep before they see him. With all the guards knocked out, he steals a boat and heads off.


He then realizes that he has no idea how to navigate and winds up WAY off course on the swamp island of despair. He forgot to bring food as well, so Rye has to go onto the island and look for something to eat. A long way into the swamp Rye encounters strange beautiful flowers that seem to be giving off a pleasant energy. When he gets close however, an Omengity monster rises up. Run Away!

After a few days of starving and drifting Rye arrives on the shores of Ukataite. Thinking it might be a safe place to resupply he heads inland and encounters the Dread Knight. Rye is afraid of the spectre and so attacks it almost on sight. After being beat up, the Dread Knight spares him and introduces himself. Rye asks about the situation and the Dread Knight explains that the people are trying to appease Belial so he''ll stay away from Ukataite. That means they''ll have to give Belial some of what he wants and hope it''ll satisfy him. Rye comments that it''s awful, but the needs of the many outway those of the few. The Dread Knight explains that they had found a perfect candidate, and were sure that Belial would spare them if they could deliver her, but she escaped. Her name was Julisa and she was a selfish young lady. Rye explains to the Dread Knight that he is desperate to save his love who lives in Takion. The Dread Knight agrees to help you sneak into Takion and save the girl if you help locate Julisa. Rye reveals that the name of his lady love is Marriot. The Dread Knight joins Rye''s party.

With the Dread Knight''s experience, you are able to navigate properly this time and arrive in Takion. After you go inland some, the Dread Knight comments that they are too close to Belial and they might sense them. Rye notices the zombies are holding a man hostage. The Dread Knight tells you to wait where you are, and he''ll go take a closer look. He recognizes the man as the Holy Paladin of Takion! Rye is curious as to why he is being kept alive. The Dread Knight says that he doesn''t see Belial around, it may be safe to free him. You fight a bunch of zombies and do just that. You release him and he begs you to find his children and save them. Then he introduces himself as Yaheir Souari, the Holy Paladin of Takion, joins your party, and comments that the Dread Knight must be really brave to keep fighting Belial even after death. The Dread Knight explains that it wasn''t Belial that killed him though.

With Yaheir''s help, you locate the hometown and corpse of Marriot. Rye swears that he''ll make Belial pay somehow. Then you go to track down Yaheir''s kids following Belial''s trail. You finally catch up to Belial and find him confronting Julisa, Render, and a strange figure. Yaheir is surprised and realizes it''s Sarendeus. Since they are only talking, the Dread Knight convinces Rye and Yaheir to stay put. Being undead, he can sneak closer without being detected and eavsdrop. Unfortunantly he didn''t count on Render being able to sense the undead and Render orders him to show himself. Rye and Yaheir rush to catch up and Rye tells Belial he''ll make him pay. Sarendeus decides on a whim it would be fun to take on all three of you and does so. Yaheir is hesitant to fight the fusion of his children but finally forces himself to do it. After the battle Render orders Sarendeus to hurry up and resurrect himself so they can get going. Sarendeus gets up and runs near Render and the others and they all teleport off. Everyone is shocked and nobody knows what kind of spell that was that made them all vanish into thin air.

Rye''s Chapter 2: The big four.

Yaheir explains that his children were born under the mystical Tiger Star, which always gives a blessing and a curse to those whose power it affects. Sarenfield and Asmodeus were born as twins and can fuse together into a powerful fighter. Unfortunantly they learned early on that this fused fighter was very evil and they had been forbidden to ever use it. The Dread Knight says that Belial probably forced them to fuse as a last resort, and then the fusion teamed up with him. Julisa probably wants revenge for being chosen as a sacrifice and might be helping Belial. Rye mentions that he saw the other guy in a Flanella pub. They don''t know anything about him though. The three agree that he seems like the mastermind.

Since Yaheir still wants to save his kids, and Rye wants revenge, and the DreadKnight wants to protect Ukataite, you decide to permanently team up. You don''t know where they went, and Takion is in ruins, so heading to Ukataite is the logical choice. On the way to Ukataite, your boat is attacked by a kraken monster and sunk. You survive when you find an undersea air pocket that''s quite large. In fact, it''s a deep underwater cave. At the end of the cave is a giant ruby. It gives off the same pleasant feeling as the flowers on the swamp island of despair. You decide to take it with you and camp since there is no way out of the air pocket cave anyway. The DreadKnight confesses that it''s partially his fault that Belial has returned. He killed the king and left the Prince Twell in charge of the kingdom several years back. Rye personally offers the consolation that it was great relief to be rid of that tyrant. The three are interrupted when a teleport opens up and Julisa appears. The three confront her and ask what is going on. She sees the dreadknight and gets hostile. Then she demands you give up the Empress Ruby. Yaheir in turn demands to know what she''s done with Asmodeus and Sarenfield. She says they are safe and then reiterates her demand. Rye gets pissed and says they aren''t going to listen to her demands. The DreadKnight joins in saying that she may be strong for a woman, but she won''t be a match for the three of you. Julisa says she begs to differ and you fight her.

After you win she runs away by teleporting and the DreadKnight comments that she''s obtained incredible powers. It''s only been a week or so since she escaped from Ukataite and she wasn''t nearly as strong back then. . . (more to come)


Julisa Chapter 1: (True Plot)

Julisa is at an emergency meeting, discussing the reprecussions of the Belial Treaty. Everyone is in a panic about the destruction in Takion and they think Ukataite is next. Julisa speaks up and tells everyone to stop acting like cowards and start training for the battle, but everyone thinks it''s a doomed cause. The DreadKnight enters and the man in charge of the meeting asks fearfully what he thinks they should do. The DreadKnight says he can think of only one option. If they cannot stop Belial they must appease him. He has learned that Belial drinks human life force and sees it as like hunting animals. If they can give him particularly tasteful lifeforce he may spare Ukataite for some time. Julisa comments that it is a sick idea for cowards. Unfortunantly, she is alone in that opinion. The people all start asking who will be sacrificed and saying not me, etc. The DreadKnight says that he has witnessed Belial and knows what kind of humans he lusts for most and singles out Julisa. Immediately Julisa stands outraged but she is quickly surrounded by armed citizens who swarm and overpower her.

Julisa is tied up and thrown in jail to await Belial''s coming, along with a few other young men and women. They are all scared but Julisa is pissed off and yells at the guard calling him a coward and a freak. Finally she manages to convince one of the other prisoners to chew on her ropes until they come off. She unties the rest of them and kicks open the jail cell door. All the prisoners run every which way distracting most of the guards. The remaining ones you fight one by one.

Julisa reaches the exit of the prison, but it''s guarded by two of the local a-holes. They have a grudge against her for rejecting their advances so they are quite eager to fight. Julisa knows she can''t overpower them with strength, so she decides to take advantage of their stupidty. She runs and they chase her. Julisa is faster and gets out of sight and hides. She grabs the keys to one of the cells and dumps a bunch of laundry in the corner of a cell. The thugs walk into the cell and kick the laundry, thinking she is hiding under it and she quickly locks them in. In a rage they both throw their swords at her through the bars. She dodges them and then picks them both up. Now Julisa is armed and dangerous.

Julisa escapes from the village and tries to hide past the mountains, but the DreadKnight is on her trail. After getting her butt kicked by the DreadKnight she threatens to kill herself if he tries to take her back. Using herself as a hostage, she forces the DreadKnight to back off. Then she runs further into the mountains. The DreadKnight hmms and then heads back towards the village. Julisa fights her way through the nasty mountain monsters and eventually comes across the shore on the end of Ukataite. Julisa comments to herself that she never knew there was a flat shore on the other side of the mountains. She camps out here for a few days, setting some traps to warn her if anyone approaches.

One day the trap is triggered. Julisa grabs her swords and rushes outside, but it''s someone she doesn''t recognize, Render Raxamarten. She demands to know what he is doing here and Render says he uses secluded places like here when he transports from continent to continent. Julisa says there is no sign of a boat or ship and calls him a liar. Render laughs and teleports from one side of the shore to another. Julisa says that''s amazing. Render asks why she is here and Julisa explains what happened. Render says those fools always rely on other people to bear the burden of maintaining their security, it''s no wonder they are cowards. Julisa says they should just fight Belial. Render says that''s not an appropriate option either. Julisa asks what he means. Render says that Belial is immortal, no amount of fighting will kill him. Julisa says that if they beat him up enough he might be too scared to attack Ukataite. Render says that would be the same thing Flanella did. Julisa says that it worked for them. Render sighs and says if she insists. Render promises not to reveal her location and walks off.

The next day the Dread Knight shows up and triggers Julisa''s trap. Julisa grabs her swords and once again threatens to use them on herself. The Dread Knight smiles chants a spell called Cage of Earth. The ground wells up around Julisa and engulfs her, making it impossible to move her arms. The Dread Knight is dragging Julisa back when she notices a dip ahead. She throws her weight against him suddenly, making him trip on the dip and drop her. This breaks the stone holding her arms and she runs south. The DreadKnight runs after her. Julisa runs into a port town and hijacks a ship. She shoves off just before the Dread Knight catches up and heads off in the direction of Takion.

Navigating the ship is quite a hassle for her, but she manages to do it and arrives on the shores of Takion. Julisa decides to go find Belial and confront him herself. When she finally finds him, she is surprised to see a strange man kicking his butt. A voice from behind her says it''s quite a site to behold. She turns around startled and it''s Render Raxamarten. Julisa asks if he was following her. Render says he wasn''t, he was following Belial and was surprised to see her here. Julisa asks who that is beating up Belial. Render says that''s the son and daugther of the Holy Paladin. Julisa says it''s only one person. Render says it''s really two, but together their power is quite magnificent. Julisa asks if they''ll be able to kill Belial. Render answers that there''s not a chance.

Render says it doesn''t matter how powerful his opponent is, Belial cannot be slain. Julisa says she knows. Render asks if she wants to go down and speak to them. Julisa says she wants to give that Belial a piece of her mind. Render joins Julisa''s party and the two of you head down to where Sarendeus is beating up Belial.

Render says that''s nice but it''s pointless. Sarendeus says perhaps he''d like to taste the pain instead. Render says no thanks and wonders outloud why the twins took so long to form Sarendeus. Sarendeus laughs cockily and says that they are afraid of him. Julisa interrupts and calls Belial a bunch of naughty names and asks why he is sucking up people''s life force. Belial says that he must or he''ll be in agony and Julisa tells him to get over it. Render asks Belial if he would stop devouring life force if there was a way to stop the pain. Belial says it is a pain fighting all those tough humans, so why not. Render says he knows of a way it might be possible. Julisa says those cowards back in Ukataite were to scared to even think of something like this. Sarendeus interrupts and says they aren''t going to do that. Render asks why not and Sarendeus says he''ll mess up their plans. Julisa asks why and Sarendeus says because he feels like it. He hasn''t had any decent fun during this fusion. Render asks what he means, the fusion isn''t permanent? Sarendeus says unfortunantly it wears off, so he has to have his fun while he can, nothing personal. Render tells him to wait, and he might have a way to make it permanent. Sarendeus stops abruptly and tells Render to go on. Render says that Sarendeus has been giving off chaos energy during the whole time he''s been standing around. Render gives a theory that by combining two beings together, the chaos energy that exists within the spirit of every living being is overcompressed. The force of this chaos energy eventually must cause the seperation. Render says that if his theory is right, they can harness this extra energy to satiate the cravings within Belial, while at the same time making the fusion permanent and keeping Sarendeus''s power in tact. Julisa comments that it''s all so convinent and asks why Render is helping everyone out.

Render laughs and explains that he needs powerful allies to overthrow Phoenix. Everyone is surprised and Render says that the people have become weak cowards because they rely on heros and government and Pheonix. Render says that people should learn to stand up for themselves. Julisa agrees with him. Belial expresses his eagerness to get back at Pheonix for trapping him in a cube instead of trying to help him like Render. Sarendeus is also pleased and gets giddy in anticipation of the terror and shock that everyone will have at the death of Pheonix. Belial asks what they have to do first. Render explains that first they need the Empress Ruby. Sarendeus interrupts and says that first they need a way to make the bratts fuse again. His fusion will wear off before they get done with this. Julisa asks if the unfused kids remember what he hears and Sarendeus says they don''t. Render says the solution is obvious. He and Julisa will claim to have saved them from Belial and tamed Sarendeus. Sarendeus gets angry saying noone can tame him. Render asks him if he has a better idea. Just then Render goes huh, and then says someone is there. He orders them to show themselves. Julisa immediately recognizes the figure as the Dread Knight. Sarendeus recognizes the Holy Paladin joining them, along with someone else. Render says he saw that face a while back, but can''t remember where. The two teams exchange words and finally Rye charges at Belial, with his friends close behind. Render tells Belial to take Sarendeus and prepare for when the fusion wears off. Render and Julisa take on the three warriors.

Julisa Chapter 2:

(More to come. . .)

SarenField & Asmodeus Chapter 1:

(More to come. . .)

*Only in darkness can one truely shine*
*Only in darkness can one truely shine*
quote: Original post by entivore
I really hate it when people miss details. Though the plot answers your question Alnite, rather than rudely force you to reread it searching, I''ll simply tell you. King Twell cut off all contact with the outside world (Which is why it''s difficult for Rye to get out of Flanella). So you see, people CAN''T get into Flanella. If they tried it, their ship or boat would probably be sunk before they got close.
I am aware that the King blocked all contacts with the outside world, but I don''t know that Flanella is a country surrounded by sea. What I envision was, Flanella was surrounded by walls or something else but passable by human, and I can imagine these people outside Flanella (thousands of them) desperately tried to get in by climbing the walls (or whatever the border is), but the guards somehow prevented them. I think it''s an interesting social conflict that you could put in your story, but if Flanella is located in an island, well then, sinking the ships is a good one. Make sure at least one ship is sunk

return 0;
Ah, I see. Will do. Let''s send some peasants to the bottom of the sea ;P

*Only in darkness can one truely shine*
*Only in darkness can one truely shine*

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