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Need some topics/ideas
I was thinking about this, and I just wanna reiterate that the "So were we" line exemplifies what I mean about reading as an active process.
Author
Something came up... I'll continue in a few days. Don't have time to write anything.
Author
A long time ago in a galaxy not so far away, there lived a boy. This boy wanted to go on adventures and explore the world. To say the least he was discontented with his life as a farmer. He lived with his aunt and uncle and they worried for him. They tried to raise him well, but saw how he felt, but they had made a promise when the boy was younger to look after him and try to keep him out of trouble, but the world was a dangerous place and for an adventurous boy it would be easy to find trouble at every turn. For many a year the boy hoped to be free of the farm and one day his wish came true, an adventure came to him. Two messengers had arrived with a message, not for him, but for a sage the messengers were looking for. The boy believed he knew where to find this sage and took the two with him to find the sage across the dessert.
When they reached the sage's home the messengers told the sage that a princess was in trouble and that he, the sage was her only hope. The boy grew excited and wished to come along on this adventure. The sage had known the boy's father and felt that it was his destiny to come with him on his quest to save the princess, but first they had better talk with the boy's aunt and uncle. That, however, could way till morning as to travel the dessert at night was dangerous and it was a long way back to the farm, so the boy and sage talked all night, the sage regailing the boy with tales of the boys father and how they had been great friends when he was younger, but an evil lord had slain the poor boy's father. The boy grew angry that his past had not been revealed to him, but the sage calmed him with a present, a sword. The sword his father carried into battle many a time along side the sage. The boy swore revenge.
The next day the boy and the sage returned to his family's farm to find that it had been ransacked by soldiers looking for the messengers. While the boy grew sad, the sage hastened him to gather his things and to be off before the soldiers returned and found them, ending their mission to save the princess. The boy quickly took what he could and prepared for the long journey, the journey he'd always hoped for, wondering had the cost of his dream been too much. Quickly, he pushed away those thoughts and hurriedly left with the sage and the messengers to the dock city to find transportation to where the princess as being held captive. They needed a rogue, a smuggler, someone that could get them where they needed to be quickly and quietly with out asking quetions and most importantly someone who would be trust worthy enough to accomplish their goals.
This type of man, you'd think would be hard to find, but it just so happened that just such a man was there on business. At first glance the rogue was a sketchy fellow, having just shot someone trying to collect on his debt. They approached him and proposed he take them where they wanted to go, to another land, a port in the middle of no where and they'd pay him handsomly for his services and he'd be allowed to whatever booty he could find where they are going. After some thinking the rogue agrees. If this was as big as they were making it out to be he'd be set for life and able to pay off all his debts. And so, soon the group sets out on their journey to the imperial capital, where the princess is being held.
When they arrive, the sage, rogue, and boy sneak into the city to find the princess being held in a common prison cell. Freeing, her alerts the city to their presence and suddenly there is no time for the love at first site the rogue and the princess feel imediately. They must run, and battle, for if they are captured they'd certainly be killed to be made an example of. They had almost made it back to their ship, but the dark lord had wisely been waiting for them there, between them and their escape. The sage unsheathed his sword and challenged the evil lord to a duel, allowing the others to escape to the ship, but the sage had not though the lord had grown stronger since their las meeting and soon the sage was slain by the same man who had killed his friend so many years ago. He had accomplished his goal though, the others had escaped and the princess was saved.
The boy had had his adventure, he accomplished everything he dreamed, but what had he truly done and what had it cost him? His family was gone, the sage was dead, the princess loved the rogue, and he'd lost his home. He had nowhere to go, no path to follow and worse, he was an outlaw in the land the dark lord held sway over which was vast. A life of adventure might not be what he'd wanted after all.
Placing bets on how quickly someone realizes what this story is.
When they reached the sage's home the messengers told the sage that a princess was in trouble and that he, the sage was her only hope. The boy grew excited and wished to come along on this adventure. The sage had known the boy's father and felt that it was his destiny to come with him on his quest to save the princess, but first they had better talk with the boy's aunt and uncle. That, however, could way till morning as to travel the dessert at night was dangerous and it was a long way back to the farm, so the boy and sage talked all night, the sage regailing the boy with tales of the boys father and how they had been great friends when he was younger, but an evil lord had slain the poor boy's father. The boy grew angry that his past had not been revealed to him, but the sage calmed him with a present, a sword. The sword his father carried into battle many a time along side the sage. The boy swore revenge.
The next day the boy and the sage returned to his family's farm to find that it had been ransacked by soldiers looking for the messengers. While the boy grew sad, the sage hastened him to gather his things and to be off before the soldiers returned and found them, ending their mission to save the princess. The boy quickly took what he could and prepared for the long journey, the journey he'd always hoped for, wondering had the cost of his dream been too much. Quickly, he pushed away those thoughts and hurriedly left with the sage and the messengers to the dock city to find transportation to where the princess as being held captive. They needed a rogue, a smuggler, someone that could get them where they needed to be quickly and quietly with out asking quetions and most importantly someone who would be trust worthy enough to accomplish their goals.
This type of man, you'd think would be hard to find, but it just so happened that just such a man was there on business. At first glance the rogue was a sketchy fellow, having just shot someone trying to collect on his debt. They approached him and proposed he take them where they wanted to go, to another land, a port in the middle of no where and they'd pay him handsomly for his services and he'd be allowed to whatever booty he could find where they are going. After some thinking the rogue agrees. If this was as big as they were making it out to be he'd be set for life and able to pay off all his debts. And so, soon the group sets out on their journey to the imperial capital, where the princess is being held.
When they arrive, the sage, rogue, and boy sneak into the city to find the princess being held in a common prison cell. Freeing, her alerts the city to their presence and suddenly there is no time for the love at first site the rogue and the princess feel imediately. They must run, and battle, for if they are captured they'd certainly be killed to be made an example of. They had almost made it back to their ship, but the dark lord had wisely been waiting for them there, between them and their escape. The sage unsheathed his sword and challenged the evil lord to a duel, allowing the others to escape to the ship, but the sage had not though the lord had grown stronger since their las meeting and soon the sage was slain by the same man who had killed his friend so many years ago. He had accomplished his goal though, the others had escaped and the princess was saved.
The boy had had his adventure, he accomplished everything he dreamed, but what had he truly done and what had it cost him? His family was gone, the sage was dead, the princess loved the rogue, and he'd lost his home. He had nowhere to go, no path to follow and worse, he was an outlaw in the land the dark lord held sway over which was vast. A life of adventure might not be what he'd wanted after all.
Placing bets on how quickly someone realizes what this story is.
This was much easier to read. But once I realize that it actually was Star Wars I lost energy to continue. Some notes...
[color="#1C2837"]-Once one feels like the know the rest of it, it's not interesting anymore.
[color="#1C2837"]
-When I saw it open about a galaxy, my first thought was that it'd be a lore-dump. (Note that the Green Lantern movie preview does this and is a great example of how to write a flop). But there was no lore dump. It goes to an individual. This is how winners are written.
-That boy has a desire for something he doesn't have (adventures and stuff).
-"was [color="#1C2837"]discontented" and "many a year" don't work. [color="#1C2837"]Some prose tips; read what you wrote out loud to see how it sounds. If it's jarring, change it.
[color="#1C2837"]
[color="#1C2837"]Try this. Take the first two sentences you wrote, then just start from there. If you have an idea, ask if Star Wars did it and, if 'yes', don't do that. Make up problems for him. Ask yourself, from time to time, what the audience will expect will happen next, then don't do that.
[color="#1C2837"]
[color="#1C2837"]Watch this.
[color="#1C2837"]-Once one feels like the know the rest of it, it's not interesting anymore.
[color="#1C2837"]
-When I saw it open about a galaxy, my first thought was that it'd be a lore-dump. (Note that the Green Lantern movie preview does this and is a great example of how to write a flop). But there was no lore dump. It goes to an individual. This is how winners are written.
-That boy has a desire for something he doesn't have (adventures and stuff).
-"was [color="#1C2837"]discontented" and "many a year" don't work. [color="#1C2837"]Some prose tips; read what you wrote out loud to see how it sounds. If it's jarring, change it.
[color="#1C2837"]
[color="#1C2837"]Try this. Take the first two sentences you wrote, then just start from there. If you have an idea, ask if Star Wars did it and, if 'yes', don't do that. Make up problems for him. Ask yourself, from time to time, what the audience will expect will happen next, then don't do that.
[color="#1C2837"]
[color="#1C2837"]Watch this.
Author
This was much easier to read. But once I realize that it actually was Star Wars I lost energy to continue. Some notes...
Sorry. I wasn't being serious at all ^.^ Just felt like writing something stupid like this.
[color="#1C2837"]-Once one feels like the know the rest of it, it's not interesting anymore.
[color="#1c2837"][/quote]
[color="#1c2837"]Which is why I don't read books. Novel bore me to no end. I can usually predict the entire rest of the story and every single twist and turn within a few minutes of reading.
-When I saw it open about a galaxy, my first thought was that it'd be a lore-dump. (Note that the Green Lantern movie preview does this and is a great example of how to write a flop). But there was no lore dump. It goes to an individual. This is how winners are written.
[/quote]
Do you mean that the no lore dump or the lore dump is good?
[color="#1C2837"]Try this. Take the first two sentences you wrote, then just start from there. If you have an idea, ask if Star Wars did it and, if 'yes', don't do that. Make up problems for him. Ask yourself, from time to time, what the audience will expect will happen next, then don't do that.
[color="#1C2837"][/quote]
[color="#1c2837"]
[color="#1c2837"]I hate Star Wars and while writing this I increased my hate because it's so forgettable and bad in my opinion yet popular ^.^
Lore dumps are bad. It's usually a red flag.
"[color=#1C2837][size=2]I can usually predict the entire rest of the story and every single twist and turn within a few minutes of reading."
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]I don't read a lot either, though I'll share my reading list at the moment...
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]-The Sparrow. This is OK so far though I don't recommend emulating the writing style.
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]-Metro 2033. (I have a copy of it in Polish and I'm reading it for practice.)
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]-Infinite Jest. (Was recommended to me.)
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]There is also Rendezvouz with Rama, which I enjoyed, and is actually a bit of a rule breaker. The characters are pretty wooden but it's like if we discovered an alien spaceship, and there was a Wikipedia article about it; you'd enjoy reading it. A lot of just plain imagination.
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]I also enjoyed Rogue Warrior, which was the SEAL Team VI founder's autobiography.
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]I have an idea. Do you have a Google account?
"[color=#1C2837][size=2]I can usually predict the entire rest of the story and every single twist and turn within a few minutes of reading."
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]I don't read a lot either, though I'll share my reading list at the moment...
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]-The Sparrow. This is OK so far though I don't recommend emulating the writing style.
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]-Metro 2033. (I have a copy of it in Polish and I'm reading it for practice.)
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]-Infinite Jest. (Was recommended to me.)
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]There is also Rendezvouz with Rama, which I enjoyed, and is actually a bit of a rule breaker. The characters are pretty wooden but it's like if we discovered an alien spaceship, and there was a Wikipedia article about it; you'd enjoy reading it. A lot of just plain imagination.
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]I also enjoyed Rogue Warrior, which was the SEAL Team VI founder's autobiography.
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]
[color="#1C2837"][size=2]I have an idea. Do you have a Google account?
Author
[color="#1C2837"] [color="#1C2837"]I have an idea. Do you have a Google account?
I have a google account. I don't see the point of using it though.
I can't remember what I was suggesting it for, I had some idea but now it's gone.
Any more?
Any more?
Author
Here's a script I wrote 2 years ago... need feed back on it and could never get any.
Starverse
Volume 1 - Issue 1: D.O.O.M.’s Day
Major Characters
Gen. George Harror - An U.S. General with ties to the President. He saves Ryan from the attack.
Ryan Starr - A HighScool Teenager who’s life is torn apart by the arrival of D.O.O.M. on Earth.
LtCol. Sydney Tracer - A friend of of Gen. Harror on leave after a black ops mission.
In Universe Date: Summer of 20XX
Setting: Downtown Detroit
This Issue is told from Ryan’s point of view.
PAGE 1
Panel 1 -
Ryan, looking up into the bright sky, daydreaming and relaxing on a porch.
Caption: I never really took to heart when people told me, ‘You should live every day as if it were your last.’ I always laughed at it. I was only 16 after all, I had plenty of life ahead of me.
Panel 2 -
Shadow creeps across the panel as two groups of gang members get into a fight.
Caption: I never joined a gang so I never had to deal with getting shot at or having to shoot someone. I was safe, wrapped up in my own little world.
Panel 3 -
The scene is pitch black but you can make out silhouettes and Ryan looking up with awe into the sky.
Caption: Or at least I thought I was...
PAGE 2 - 3
Panel 1 -
A large ship, hovers in the sky above Detroit, blocking out the sun as 10ft mecha (C.A.S.), armed with various weapons, pours out of it toward the city below.
Caption: It looked as though the apocalypse had come after all, just a few months late.
PAGE 4
Panel 1 -
(top left corner) A group of C.A.S. hover above the Ambassador Bridge, a piece of an energy cannon in each of their hands.
Panel 2 -
(top right corner) Another group of C.A.S. hover above the Masonic Temple with the same type of weapon.
Panel 3 -
(bottom left corner) Another group of C.A.S. hover above Cass Tech High with the same type of weapon.
Panel 4 -
(bottom left corner) Another group of C.A.S. hover above the Fisher Building with the same type of weapon.
PAGE 5
Panel 1 - 4 -
The same as Page 4 but with each of the weapons firing and destroying each of the locations
Panel 5 -
(Center) Ryan stands in the center of a street, back to the viewer. The city that is shadowed from above is now, lit by multiple explosions as the houses around Ryan burst into flames, crumble, or explode.
Caption: It wasn’t long before the world around me had crumbled, engulfed in the fires of... I don’t know. This certainly wasn’t war. Perhaps... annihilation?
PAGE 6
Panel 1-
A C.A.S. crashes down on top of the Spirit of Detroit statue, sending the bronze sphere into the air.
Panel 2 -
The C.A.S. catches the sphere and looks at it studiously.
Panel 3 -
The C.A.S. slams the sphere into the family group statue left in the rubble destroying both.
Caption: It was as if they were proclaiming they were our new gods here to reap our souls.
PAGE 7
Panel 1 -
A C.A.S. lands behind Ryan.
Panel 2 -
Ryan drops to his knees in fear hearing the C.A.S.
Panel 3 -
(Ryan’s view) The shadow of the C.A.S. is on the ground in front of him, darkened directly in front of him by his tears.
Caption: At that moment I knew I was dead.
Sydney: Hey, kid! Get out of there!
PAGE 8
Panel 1 -
Ryan is kneeling on the ground, looking towards the voice that called him. Behind him a large explosion goes off on the C.A.S.. In the distance a man can be scene with a rocket launcher. Sydney is motioning for Ryan to come over to her.
Zoomed Panel 2 - Gen. Harror stands holding a smoking rocket launcher.
PAGE 9
Panel 1 -
Sydney stands atop a bit of rubble while Ryan is still on his knees, crying, reaching up to her. Sydney’s hand touches her ear (or mouth) receiving a transmission as she looks up into the sky.
Sydney: Understood. Tracer out.
Ryan: What the hell is going on?!
Panel 2 -
3 Jets cross the sky under the alien ship, firing at, and blowing up a few of the C.A.S.s
PAGE 10 - 11
A dog fight between the 3 jets and 3 C.A.S. ensues. A number of C.A.S. are blown up simply because they are hit on accident multiple times by stray bullets mean for the 3 dog fighting. The battle goes on until 1 of the C.A.S. gets hold of 1 of the jets, rips into it’s cockpit, and pulls the pilot out and vaporizes him before tossing the jet at one of the other jets and proceeds on towards the ground. The jets in the collision explodes and the two C.A.S. remaining in the dog fight attack the final jet, which is easy prey and is captured quickly. The pilot is pulled from the cockpit like the other one, but this one, having seen that self destructs the jet, destroying the two C.A.S..
PAGE 12
Panel 1 -
Sydney looks down on Ryan. Ryan sobs on the ground.
Ryan: Why did this happen...
Sydney: Get up. We have to move.
Panel 2 -
The Sydney salutes as the Gen Harror approaches
Sydney: Sir.
Harror: Good to see you alive, Colonel.
Panel 3 -
Harror looks over at Ryan.
Harror: Who’s the kid?
Sydney: No clue, Sir.
Harror: Hey, kid. Where’s your family?
Panenl 4 -
(View on Ryan’s face/eyes) Ryan’s eyes go wide as he realizes that he hasn’t heard or seen anything from his parents.
PAGE 13
Panel 1 -
Ryan hurriedly gets to his feet and runs towards a crumbling building.
Ryan: (screamed) Mom!
Panel 2 -
Ryan shouts in from the door of his crumbling house.
Ryan: (screamed) Mom, are you ok!?
Panel 3 -
Ryan runs into a room and sees his sister and mother on the ground conscious
Panel 4 -
Ryan goes over to his sister and tries to wake her up. Sydney and Harror come are in the door way.
Ryan: Sis, wake up! Mom!
Sydney: We need to get out of here ASAP. No telling when this house will collapse.
Panel 5 -
Gen Harror sees a TV he walks over to it and turns it on.
Gen. Harror: The news might be able to give us info about what’s going on.
PAGE 14
Panel 1 -
TV screen takes up full panel. On the screen is an overhead shot from a helicopter looking down on the city from far away showing the city in shambles and random tufts of smoke rising into the air. Jets and C.A.S.s can be seen in mid air battles all over. Along the scroll bar is the text “President considering nuclear weapon usage...”
TV: ...reaction has been swift, but the destruction of all in-roads into the city has left Detroiters largely unable to evacuate. Ground forces are moving in, however, to support the air force...
TV: We are receiving reports that many gang members have put aside rivalries and are assisting in the fight against the unknown assailants. As great as this is we must caution our viewers to not forget that even though they are helping the situation they are still criminals and should not be trusted.
PAGE 15
Panel 1 -
Ryan’s mother and sister wake and begin to get up.
Ryan’s Mother: What happened?
Panel 2 -
Sydney and Ryan helps Ryan’s mother up while Gen. Harror, picks up his sister.
Harror: There’s been an attack ma’am. We need to find better shelter. Are you up to moving?
Ryan’s Mother: I think... I’ll be ok.. Where...How’s my children?
Panel 3 -
The group exiting the room, Harror in back. Sydney takes the lead going out the door.
Ryan: We’ll be alright, Mom. You don’t need to worry about us.
Panel 4 -
The group exits the house, same formation as in Panel 3. The house explodes as a C.A.S. crashes through it throwing shrapnel and various heavy pieces of house out. Harror is knocked by a large piece of concrete or furniture, dropping Ryan’s sister as he goes flying to the side. Simultaneously a large metal pipe is sent through the center of Ryan’s mom’s chest.
Panel 5 -
Ryan’s mother slumped down on the pipe, dead.
Panel 6 -
General Harror, knocked out on the ground, his leg (left or right, whichever run will be removed later on) under some rubble.
Panel 7 -
Ryan’s sister’s hand under the rubble of the house with blood flowing out.
PAGE 16
Panel 1 -
a C.A.S. is seen in the middle of the destroyed house, shadowed by the dust rising from the remains of the house. The eyes of the C.A.S. glow. Sydney is looking up at it. Ryan is once again on the ground kneeling faced with the reality that his mother and sister have just been murdered in front of him and there was nothing he could do.
Panel 2 -
Sydney runs off to the left of Ryan, firing off a few rounds from her semi-automatic pistol. The C.A.S. follows her with it’s head, but is unaffected by the bullets.
Sydney: I’ll cover you! Get to safety!
Panel 3 -
The C.A.S. fires a few beam rifle shots off at Sydney, which she dodges and fires off a few more rounds.
Panel 4 -
The C.A.S. drops it’s gun, and draws it’s melee weapons realizing it won’t be able to catch Sydney using fire arms. It attacks in the same motion as it draws it’s sword, before it’s gun even hits the ground. Sydney jumps over and away from the blade.
Panel 5 -
Sydney flips out a second pistol and dual fires at the C.A.S.’s head while still in mid air.
Panel 6 -
The C.A.S. ignores the bullets and catches Sydney in the air, one handed, around her waste.
Sydney: Crap...
Panel 7 -
A crunching can be heard as the C.A.S. squeezes Sydney and breaks a few of her ribs. She tenses and cries out in pain. Her eye’s look dead and her arms lifelessly hang by her side, outside of the hand of the C.A.S.
PAGE 17
Panel 1 -
The hand of the C.A.S. with Sydney in it is raised over it’s head and is about to be slammed into the ground. Sydney hangs lifelessly. The entire C.A.S. glows in the energy of a massive beam weapon being shot at it from behind. Ryan should not be seen and nor should the beam.
Ryan: AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
PAGE 18
Panel 1 -
The C.A.S. drops to it’s knees, it’s arms still up with Sydney in it’s grasp. Smoke rises from the center of it’s main body.
Panel 2 -
The C.A.S.’s arm drop with Sydney. The smoke clears and a massive hole has been blown through it’s center.
Panel 3 -
Looking through the hole in the chest at Ryan. Ryan can be seen with an arm of another C.A.S. on his arm, resting on the ground. His eyes fiercely look through the hole as he breathes heavily. In the hole blood can be seen dripping as well as the spine and some organs that dropped down after the pilot’s body had been incinerated by the blast.
PAGE 19
Panel 1 -
The C.A.S. holding Sydney drops forward to the ground. Sydney is let go and rests on the hand of the C.A.S.
Panel 2 -
Ryan drops the arm weapon as a military helicopter lands in the street next to the group and several soldiers get out.
Panel 3 -
A soldiers checks out the group. Ryan is sitting, eyes wide, thinking about what had just happened. Harror twitches. Ryan’s mother is slumped over on the pipe stuck angled into the ground. Sydney is still where she was, groaning. There is a soldier checking each of the bodies they see.
Soldier over Harror: General?
Soldier checking Sydney: We need a stretcher over here!
Soldier over Ryan’s Mother: Sh-She’s dead...
Soldier over Ryan: Son, you alright?
Panel 4 -
Harror stirs and starts to wake. The soldier clears the rubbles from his leg.
Harror: Agghhh. That’s going to need a splint.
Soldier: It might need more than that, Sir.
Harror: Let’s just get out of here. Help me up.
PAGE 20
Panel 1 -
The soldiers and the group load back into the helicopter.
Pilot: All set?
Harror: Go.
Panel 2 -
Harror looks over his soldier back at Ryan, wincing in pain as a field medic tends to his leg. Ryan looks out the window mournfully as his hand plays unconsciously with the C.A.S. arm.
Harror: You did good, kid.
Ryan: But they’re dead. I don’t think that’s good...
Harror: I’m sorry ‘bout your mother, but there was nothing you could do.
Ryan: Whatever.
Panel 3 -
The helicopter is hit with something, shaking the helicopter. Everyone in the helicopter that can looks out the window.
Pilot: We’re taking fire! Hold on.
Soldier: Oh shi..
Panel 4 -
Outside the helicopter is 4 C.A.S. surrounding it with their weapons pointed at it.
Caption: I’m hardly one to think I’m lucky, but one must come to the conclusion that if they survive several near deaths in a single day they must be very lucky, but luck has to run out some time...
PAGE 21
Panel 1 -
All 4 C.A.S. explode as their systems overloads caused by massive electrical surges pulsing through them.
Caption: Good thing that time was not now.
To be continued
<-------------------------------------------------END SCRIPT----------------------------------------------->
Starverse
Volume 1 - Issue 1: D.O.O.M.’s Day
Major Characters
Gen. George Harror - An U.S. General with ties to the President. He saves Ryan from the attack.
Ryan Starr - A HighScool Teenager who’s life is torn apart by the arrival of D.O.O.M. on Earth.
LtCol. Sydney Tracer - A friend of of Gen. Harror on leave after a black ops mission.
In Universe Date: Summer of 20XX
Setting: Downtown Detroit
This Issue is told from Ryan’s point of view.
PAGE 1
Panel 1 -
Ryan, looking up into the bright sky, daydreaming and relaxing on a porch.
Caption: I never really took to heart when people told me, ‘You should live every day as if it were your last.’ I always laughed at it. I was only 16 after all, I had plenty of life ahead of me.
Panel 2 -
Shadow creeps across the panel as two groups of gang members get into a fight.
Caption: I never joined a gang so I never had to deal with getting shot at or having to shoot someone. I was safe, wrapped up in my own little world.
Panel 3 -
The scene is pitch black but you can make out silhouettes and Ryan looking up with awe into the sky.
Caption: Or at least I thought I was...
PAGE 2 - 3
Panel 1 -
A large ship, hovers in the sky above Detroit, blocking out the sun as 10ft mecha (C.A.S.), armed with various weapons, pours out of it toward the city below.
Caption: It looked as though the apocalypse had come after all, just a few months late.
PAGE 4
Panel 1 -
(top left corner) A group of C.A.S. hover above the Ambassador Bridge, a piece of an energy cannon in each of their hands.
Panel 2 -
(top right corner) Another group of C.A.S. hover above the Masonic Temple with the same type of weapon.
Panel 3 -
(bottom left corner) Another group of C.A.S. hover above Cass Tech High with the same type of weapon.
Panel 4 -
(bottom left corner) Another group of C.A.S. hover above the Fisher Building with the same type of weapon.
PAGE 5
Panel 1 - 4 -
The same as Page 4 but with each of the weapons firing and destroying each of the locations
Panel 5 -
(Center) Ryan stands in the center of a street, back to the viewer. The city that is shadowed from above is now, lit by multiple explosions as the houses around Ryan burst into flames, crumble, or explode.
Caption: It wasn’t long before the world around me had crumbled, engulfed in the fires of... I don’t know. This certainly wasn’t war. Perhaps... annihilation?
PAGE 6
Panel 1-
A C.A.S. crashes down on top of the Spirit of Detroit statue, sending the bronze sphere into the air.
Panel 2 -
The C.A.S. catches the sphere and looks at it studiously.
Panel 3 -
The C.A.S. slams the sphere into the family group statue left in the rubble destroying both.
Caption: It was as if they were proclaiming they were our new gods here to reap our souls.
PAGE 7
Panel 1 -
A C.A.S. lands behind Ryan.
Panel 2 -
Ryan drops to his knees in fear hearing the C.A.S.
Panel 3 -
(Ryan’s view) The shadow of the C.A.S. is on the ground in front of him, darkened directly in front of him by his tears.
Caption: At that moment I knew I was dead.
Sydney: Hey, kid! Get out of there!
PAGE 8
Panel 1 -
Ryan is kneeling on the ground, looking towards the voice that called him. Behind him a large explosion goes off on the C.A.S.. In the distance a man can be scene with a rocket launcher. Sydney is motioning for Ryan to come over to her.
Zoomed Panel 2 - Gen. Harror stands holding a smoking rocket launcher.
PAGE 9
Panel 1 -
Sydney stands atop a bit of rubble while Ryan is still on his knees, crying, reaching up to her. Sydney’s hand touches her ear (or mouth) receiving a transmission as she looks up into the sky.
Sydney: Understood. Tracer out.
Ryan: What the hell is going on?!
Panel 2 -
3 Jets cross the sky under the alien ship, firing at, and blowing up a few of the C.A.S.s
PAGE 10 - 11
A dog fight between the 3 jets and 3 C.A.S. ensues. A number of C.A.S. are blown up simply because they are hit on accident multiple times by stray bullets mean for the 3 dog fighting. The battle goes on until 1 of the C.A.S. gets hold of 1 of the jets, rips into it’s cockpit, and pulls the pilot out and vaporizes him before tossing the jet at one of the other jets and proceeds on towards the ground. The jets in the collision explodes and the two C.A.S. remaining in the dog fight attack the final jet, which is easy prey and is captured quickly. The pilot is pulled from the cockpit like the other one, but this one, having seen that self destructs the jet, destroying the two C.A.S..
PAGE 12
Panel 1 -
Sydney looks down on Ryan. Ryan sobs on the ground.
Ryan: Why did this happen...
Sydney: Get up. We have to move.
Panel 2 -
The Sydney salutes as the Gen Harror approaches
Sydney: Sir.
Harror: Good to see you alive, Colonel.
Panel 3 -
Harror looks over at Ryan.
Harror: Who’s the kid?
Sydney: No clue, Sir.
Harror: Hey, kid. Where’s your family?
Panenl 4 -
(View on Ryan’s face/eyes) Ryan’s eyes go wide as he realizes that he hasn’t heard or seen anything from his parents.
PAGE 13
Panel 1 -
Ryan hurriedly gets to his feet and runs towards a crumbling building.
Ryan: (screamed) Mom!
Panel 2 -
Ryan shouts in from the door of his crumbling house.
Ryan: (screamed) Mom, are you ok!?
Panel 3 -
Ryan runs into a room and sees his sister and mother on the ground conscious
Panel 4 -
Ryan goes over to his sister and tries to wake her up. Sydney and Harror come are in the door way.
Ryan: Sis, wake up! Mom!
Sydney: We need to get out of here ASAP. No telling when this house will collapse.
Panel 5 -
Gen Harror sees a TV he walks over to it and turns it on.
Gen. Harror: The news might be able to give us info about what’s going on.
PAGE 14
Panel 1 -
TV screen takes up full panel. On the screen is an overhead shot from a helicopter looking down on the city from far away showing the city in shambles and random tufts of smoke rising into the air. Jets and C.A.S.s can be seen in mid air battles all over. Along the scroll bar is the text “President considering nuclear weapon usage...”
TV: ...reaction has been swift, but the destruction of all in-roads into the city has left Detroiters largely unable to evacuate. Ground forces are moving in, however, to support the air force...
TV: We are receiving reports that many gang members have put aside rivalries and are assisting in the fight against the unknown assailants. As great as this is we must caution our viewers to not forget that even though they are helping the situation they are still criminals and should not be trusted.
PAGE 15
Panel 1 -
Ryan’s mother and sister wake and begin to get up.
Ryan’s Mother: What happened?
Panel 2 -
Sydney and Ryan helps Ryan’s mother up while Gen. Harror, picks up his sister.
Harror: There’s been an attack ma’am. We need to find better shelter. Are you up to moving?
Ryan’s Mother: I think... I’ll be ok.. Where...How’s my children?
Panel 3 -
The group exiting the room, Harror in back. Sydney takes the lead going out the door.
Ryan: We’ll be alright, Mom. You don’t need to worry about us.
Panel 4 -
The group exits the house, same formation as in Panel 3. The house explodes as a C.A.S. crashes through it throwing shrapnel and various heavy pieces of house out. Harror is knocked by a large piece of concrete or furniture, dropping Ryan’s sister as he goes flying to the side. Simultaneously a large metal pipe is sent through the center of Ryan’s mom’s chest.
Panel 5 -
Ryan’s mother slumped down on the pipe, dead.
Panel 6 -
General Harror, knocked out on the ground, his leg (left or right, whichever run will be removed later on) under some rubble.
Panel 7 -
Ryan’s sister’s hand under the rubble of the house with blood flowing out.
PAGE 16
Panel 1 -
a C.A.S. is seen in the middle of the destroyed house, shadowed by the dust rising from the remains of the house. The eyes of the C.A.S. glow. Sydney is looking up at it. Ryan is once again on the ground kneeling faced with the reality that his mother and sister have just been murdered in front of him and there was nothing he could do.
Panel 2 -
Sydney runs off to the left of Ryan, firing off a few rounds from her semi-automatic pistol. The C.A.S. follows her with it’s head, but is unaffected by the bullets.
Sydney: I’ll cover you! Get to safety!
Panel 3 -
The C.A.S. fires a few beam rifle shots off at Sydney, which she dodges and fires off a few more rounds.
Panel 4 -
The C.A.S. drops it’s gun, and draws it’s melee weapons realizing it won’t be able to catch Sydney using fire arms. It attacks in the same motion as it draws it’s sword, before it’s gun even hits the ground. Sydney jumps over and away from the blade.
Panel 5 -
Sydney flips out a second pistol and dual fires at the C.A.S.’s head while still in mid air.
Panel 6 -
The C.A.S. ignores the bullets and catches Sydney in the air, one handed, around her waste.
Sydney: Crap...
Panel 7 -
A crunching can be heard as the C.A.S. squeezes Sydney and breaks a few of her ribs. She tenses and cries out in pain. Her eye’s look dead and her arms lifelessly hang by her side, outside of the hand of the C.A.S.
PAGE 17
Panel 1 -
The hand of the C.A.S. with Sydney in it is raised over it’s head and is about to be slammed into the ground. Sydney hangs lifelessly. The entire C.A.S. glows in the energy of a massive beam weapon being shot at it from behind. Ryan should not be seen and nor should the beam.
Ryan: AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
PAGE 18
Panel 1 -
The C.A.S. drops to it’s knees, it’s arms still up with Sydney in it’s grasp. Smoke rises from the center of it’s main body.
Panel 2 -
The C.A.S.’s arm drop with Sydney. The smoke clears and a massive hole has been blown through it’s center.
Panel 3 -
Looking through the hole in the chest at Ryan. Ryan can be seen with an arm of another C.A.S. on his arm, resting on the ground. His eyes fiercely look through the hole as he breathes heavily. In the hole blood can be seen dripping as well as the spine and some organs that dropped down after the pilot’s body had been incinerated by the blast.
PAGE 19
Panel 1 -
The C.A.S. holding Sydney drops forward to the ground. Sydney is let go and rests on the hand of the C.A.S.
Panel 2 -
Ryan drops the arm weapon as a military helicopter lands in the street next to the group and several soldiers get out.
Panel 3 -
A soldiers checks out the group. Ryan is sitting, eyes wide, thinking about what had just happened. Harror twitches. Ryan’s mother is slumped over on the pipe stuck angled into the ground. Sydney is still where she was, groaning. There is a soldier checking each of the bodies they see.
Soldier over Harror: General?
Soldier checking Sydney: We need a stretcher over here!
Soldier over Ryan’s Mother: Sh-She’s dead...
Soldier over Ryan: Son, you alright?
Panel 4 -
Harror stirs and starts to wake. The soldier clears the rubbles from his leg.
Harror: Agghhh. That’s going to need a splint.
Soldier: It might need more than that, Sir.
Harror: Let’s just get out of here. Help me up.
PAGE 20
Panel 1 -
The soldiers and the group load back into the helicopter.
Pilot: All set?
Harror: Go.
Panel 2 -
Harror looks over his soldier back at Ryan, wincing in pain as a field medic tends to his leg. Ryan looks out the window mournfully as his hand plays unconsciously with the C.A.S. arm.
Harror: You did good, kid.
Ryan: But they’re dead. I don’t think that’s good...
Harror: I’m sorry ‘bout your mother, but there was nothing you could do.
Ryan: Whatever.
Panel 3 -
The helicopter is hit with something, shaking the helicopter. Everyone in the helicopter that can looks out the window.
Pilot: We’re taking fire! Hold on.
Soldier: Oh shi..
Panel 4 -
Outside the helicopter is 4 C.A.S. surrounding it with their weapons pointed at it.
Caption: I’m hardly one to think I’m lucky, but one must come to the conclusion that if they survive several near deaths in a single day they must be very lucky, but luck has to run out some time...
PAGE 21
Panel 1 -
All 4 C.A.S. explode as their systems overloads caused by massive electrical surges pulsing through them.
Caption: Good thing that time was not now.
To be continued
<-------------------------------------------------END SCRIPT----------------------------------------------->
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